Merry Fuckin' Christmas

Have you looked outside lately ? Did you notice the SNOWSTORM yesterday ? Did you notice that it was April 12th on the calendar ?



That's it. I'm gettin' the fuck out of this awful country.

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It looks like the Laval subway will finally open on April 28th. I just received an AMT memo about it. Will be good for my last summer in town. I'll be able to visit my mom without too many inconveniences every time I'm hungry !



It's funny it took so long for it to already happen. A subway station in Laval has been on every politician's agenda since the 80's. The bill has tripled since the initial evaluation, and we know these north shore fellas love their cars. Will the new stations be a hit among the 450's ? Will they just plain snub the trains and keep on parking their huge-ass SUV's in our streets ? Remains to be seen.

All I know is that I'm still boycotting the goddamn STM and biking my way through life, even if it means, like all day yesterday, getting splashed by slush from passing cars. Drivers go berserk when they have to share the road with bikes, and their bloodlust will only be satisfied once I'm dead, crushed under their tires.

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Lots of people are dying lately. Not just in the ordinary world. Last week, on April 4th, Bob Clark was hit by a drunk driver - who didn't even hold a license - while traveling with his son. Both were killed, but the drunk driver survived. Clark is best known for being a Canadian pioneer in shlock horror and exploitation, as he's responsible for directing movies such as CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS (1972), DEAD OF NIGHT (1974) and BLACK CHRISTMAS (also 1974).



He broke into the mainstream in 1982 with the legendary teen sex comedy PORKY'S, a movie that, along with its few sequels, has transformed my vision of women. Ever since I first saw it, I've been trying to find my own "Lassie" to hump her in a sweaty locker room.



Another great loss would be Kurt Vonnegut Jr, this unreal writer who turned out masterpieces such as BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS and SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE - to mention only his two immensely popular landmarks. He died on April 11th, at the age of 84. His surreal tales, who were always spiced with the sweetest humor there is, a unique brand of absurd & social observation, will live on.

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Speaking of dead people, I have seen Brian de Palma's THE BLACK DAHLIA a few weeks ago. It reminded me of a New York Times article that my good ghost friend Caron sent to me when the movie was originally released, titled : "Say De Palma. Then Watch Everybody Fight".



Because the director is either loved, or hated. And I have to admit that while his James Elroy adaptation is full of redeeming qualities, including a gorgeous cinematography and a meticulous era recreation, it doesn't quite cut it. It's very confusing, and some of the "surprises" don't really make sense. That is not uncommon of De Palma, a director who will often sacrifice logic at the profit of style. Here, you get everything associated to L.A. in the fourties : fistfight matches, crooked cops, gorgeous cars, and femmes fatales. Everything associated with De Palma as well : Scarlett Johansson in blond, visual trickery, and an overactive narrative. Things happen at a pace so fast that if you blink an eye for more than a few seconds, you'll become very confused.



Don't see this movie if you're tired, because there's an extensive focus put on the way time unfolds, and a discourse about its elasticity. Or maybe not. But it's predictable as hell, and there are too many clichés to be ignored. There's also a very improbable "chic" lesbians club, where K.D. Lang sings the blues to a plattoon of lipstick dames. Aaron Eckhart is an ideal hero, cast well opposite Josh Hartnett who could use some muscle. He's a bit too soft for my tastes. So it's hard to believe that he's banging both Mia Kirschner (our beloved and sexy montrealer expat) AND Johansson. May the celluloid wrath strike him with a boner.



The DVD extras are far more interesting than the movie itself, with a featurette about James Elroy, his book, and the real "Black Dahlia" case. The movie is worthy of attention for its gloss, and fans of De Palma should check it out - because others might regret it.