Ain't no Goddamn Way to Survive Here

Ever got harrassed by some office guy with too much free time on his hands, selling chocolate or similar craps to his co-workers ?

There's a band called (insert compromising name here) that has two of its members working here with me. They sell t-shirts to cougar groupies and send mass (annoying) emails whenever they get a gig booked somewhere. They get some girls to go there & pay ridiculously high covers, and that's the way life is.

*

I feel strangely neutral today. As if I felt a urge to move out of the country overnight and disappear.

This is a feeling I've been getting quite often lately. Not that I don't appreciate the path my life has taken so far, or that I'm lacking friends or hobbies. It's just that sometimes, it's so overwhelming I feel crushed. I feel like a tiny, limbless grain of dust floating in the universe and unable to change anything, anywhere.

And that doesn't feel good at all. My bowels are distorted, and I feel like puking.

People going around me, at the office, really look like they don't realise what's going on.

Let me tell you something. A girl I work with had a son. 18 years old. They all moved in from Iran a couple of years ago, to escape the political pressure over there and live a decent life here. Two weeks ago, her son was shot to death. I just received an email with some details about the funeral and I know something doesn't seem right.

*

On Friday, Tommie Sunshine is DJ'ing @ SAT. I know I should be excited but right now, I'm in no party mood. Winter's here in full disclosure, and every additionnal snow storm digs a deeper grave for us all. I am litterally burried under all this snow, under an overload of stress, of things to read for school... and I need some sleep.

I feel like moving somewhere warm, where I'll live the good life, take siestas under palm trees and never run, from anything, anywhere. I could die peacefully with a margherita in hand, by the pool, and stay there without anybody noticing me before the end of low season.