Three Sides of Hollywood

I can't say I'm a big Hollywood movies fan. I like my flicks too twisted to fit in the "popular" mold. But I recognise good directing when I see some, and I am not stubborn. Which is why, after reading about SNAKES ON A PLANE and seeing the 2nd part of the FINAL DESTINATION trilogy, I decided to investigate on the elusive David R. Ellis, and more precisely another movie that he directed, CELLULAR.



This one was released shortly after PHONE BOOTH, and they both share the same script writer : fast-pace specialist Larry Cohen. Larry doesn't direct much, these days, but his scripts sure get picked up fast !

So when the movie begins, we don't really "get" what's going on. Kim Basinger is kidnapped and thrown in a dusty attic by Jason Staham. What gives ? We then see two teenagers walking on a L.A. dock and cruising for booty. One of the guys runs into his ex (Jessica Biel) and she accuses him of being selfish. He desperately wants to get back with her - can't blame him - and he promises to do something worthy, fast. He'll get the occasion when, several minutes after departing from the dock, his phone rings and a lady, on the other line, tries to convince him that she needs help and that he's the only guy who can help her.



How are these two stories related ? Obviously, they are. We are not watching a movie about destiny, here. We're watching an action-packed thriller that combines a time-tickling suspense, car chases, rotten cops and a "day spa". That's right.

With players like William H. Macy and Rick Hoffman (who seems to have a long "shit talker" carreer ahead) you cannot go wrong. The real hero of the movie here is a cellular phone (hence the title), and not the handsome young lead Chris Evans, because he's so generic that you won't even know who is in two or three years. All you'll remember is that it was one hell of an action movie and that Jason Staham, whatever role he's playing, always looks and acts the same, and that you cannot picture him WITHOUT a gun in his hands - a British Bruce Willis, if you will.

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Hollywood can also be mocked. And it's something the semi-mockumentary THE INDEPENDENT does pretty well.



Stephen Kessler crafts a hell of a flick, which presents B-movie icon Morty Fineman (played by Jerry Stiller, Ben's dad - who coincidentally also played George Costanza's father in Seinfeld) as he slowly starts falling in the depths of Hollywood. Never one to go with the flow, he has directed 437 movies, all of them carrying a social message, and all of them including Fineman's favorite ingredients : "Tits, ass and bombs". Morty begs his daughter (played by Janeane Garofalo) to become the president of his small production firm, and she does, only to regret it after a couple of weeks.

Fineman wants to get back on his feet and start shooting another movie. But his creditors are knockin'. And the check is most definitly not in the mail. He can't seem to sell his back catalogue for a reasonable price, and no festival will have him as a guest or screen one of his films.



The main story is told in a regular narrative style (read : fictious), ponctuated by testimonials from real film makers (Ron Howard, Roger Corman, Ted Demme, Peter Bogdanovitch, etc) and by extracts from his various oeuvres (in which the often hilarious and never aging Fred Williamson seem to have played a major part).

The jokes are numerous and clever, and anybody remotely interested in the B movie business will find a reason to laugh out loud or at least smile. 437 movies seem like an awful lot, even in the savagely shot world of exploitation cinema, but the morals, shooting methods and crew handling of Morty Fineman are inspired by real events - undoubtedly.

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Hollywood can be mimicked - such as when an italian team comes to Florida to shoot a "horror thriller", as is the case with Umberto Lenzi's extravagant 1988 entry NIGHTMARE BEACH.



Don't ask me why - apart from a latent desire to BE americans - these italians were so fond of Florida at the end of the 80's... It looks like it was their promise land; Bruno Corbucci shot several Bud Spencer flicks there, Alberto de Martino made "Miami Golem", and Lenzi would return in '90 to shoot COP TARGET (as "Humphrey Humbert").

For NIGHTMARE BEACH, Lenzi americanised his name and became Harry Kirkpatrick. An a.k.a. is "Welcome to Spring Break", and it gives you a nice idea of what you're getting into. A guy nicknamed "Diablo" is executed on an electric chair at the beginning, convicted of having viciously killed a young girl. Gail (Sarah Buxton), her sister, watches him die. So does Strycher (John Saxon), the cop who got him there. A few days later, two football players from another town check into their hotel, ready to spend an unforgettable week of sand, booze & pussy. The members of a biker gang and a series of gruesome electrical murders will keep the cops busy, and make our friend's week after to stomach than expected.



And once the ending credits of this movie roll, you end up being divided. The character's motivations are so questionable at times that something seems unexplained. But you can't quite put your hands on it.

And frankly, Lenzi doesn't disappoint : as always, the action is constant, the dialogues are funny as hell, and the seriousness is only on the surface. The man is playing with the genre's codes, and is having fun, a pleasure that is communicated to the viewer. It's almost easy to guess who's the next victim, but not who the killer is ! And this information is about the only thing that Lenzi manages to hide until the "shocking" end.

Claudio Simonetti composed a low grade rock score filled with cheesy synth lines, and the killer's "theme" plays every time things get menacing. The biker gang is pure cliché'd fun - denim, leather and attitude.



Sarah Buxton, the lead female, is constantly sporting high waisted pants or hitched up skirts, and patrons at the "club" she's bartending in hit on her like crazy. Our man Skip (Nicolas de Toth, the "hero") didn't do much in the cinematic field, except a short role in Larry Cohen's THE STUFF in '85, and is just okay here. The french dubbed version I have seen is probably filled with intentional silliness - when a cop asks the mayor about what he'll do about the killings, he mumbles : "Non mais, est-ce que je vous demande comment votre femme fait cuire une dinde ?!"

NIGHTMARE BEACH is a fine example of why I keep doing what do - once in a while, you find a few good apples under a rotten tree.