The Office

Corporate culture can be painful to watch from the inside. Being part of it against my will, I can honestly tell you that it's not cool every day. You might have seen THE OFFICE a few times, but even if it's pretty close to reality, it doesn't perfectly describe the sheer boredom of an office job.



The worst is that it's not the job that's the most boring part - it's the co-workers. If you happen to have a hobby or if you've found a way to spend your time in an interesting way while being employed to do "not much", there will always be somebody to suck the life out of you, or prevent you from working on your stuff, because THEY are bored and are too dumb to find something to do themselves. They automatically assume that you're bored too and that you're willing to waste your time with small talk.

The worst part about office life are the others. People with loud voices, or odors. People with bad habits.

I have often seen people washing their hands, and leaving the room without turning the water off, as if it was going to turn itself off magically. There's a sign above the urinals and in the stalls that urge people to wash their hands, for their own health & mostly, their co-worker's. Often, people pissing will leave in a rebelious fashion, without complying. But the most troubling I have seen is someone taking a DUMP and leaving without even touching the sink.

These are people you work with. Sometimes you touch their hands. Often, they touch things that you'll also touch, namely stuff in the CAFETERIA. Stuff that you might PUT IN YOUR MOUTH.

Corporate culture can become painful pretty fast. The over-use of expressions such as "touch base" or "it's all good" sometimes lead me to wrongly believe I was secretly transported to Nebraska while taking a short nap.



It will come as no surprise to you to learn that I really enjoyed Ricky Gervais's THE OFFICE. So much that I miss it already, a couple of weeks after having completed the series. At first, the odd pace & weird documentary feeling made me feel uneasy, and I really didn't get where all this was going. But David Brent grows on you. Like bad seed.

Now that there are seven (!!!) incarnations of the popular series, including one that's called "La Job" and that's shot & showed here in Quebec, I could get my fix anywhere I turn. But I accept no substitute. I don't even want to TRY. It would kind of be sacrilegous, if you ask me. I have read in many of our fine cultural weeklies, as well as in MacLean's, that the main character of "La Job" was trying really hard to BE Ricky Gervais. So much that his character is named David Gervais.

It is in these moments that I feel blessed about having stopped watching TV 8 years ago, and having no envy whatsoever to stain my resolution.

*

Have I, even for a short moment, ever thought that Brian Yuzna was a good director ? Probably. Sure, his RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD entry was a campy one, but it lacked the seriousness of the first two installments. His two DENTIST movies are watchable, but not the ones I'll remember if I ever go back in the dentist's chair. Shot in between the two DENTIST flicks, PROGENY is an entry about alien abductions that I recently watched as part of my Spring cleaning fever - yeah, I'm getting rid of some turds.



The movie starts out with two naked human beings making tender love - missionary style, of course, this is Hollywood - in their bed. Then there's a flash of light, and they don't know what's going on anymore. The husband (Arnold Vosloo) feels uneasy about the whole experience but the wife (Jillian McWhirter, who also tagged along for THE DENTIST 2) is okay. A couple of weeks later, wifey tells hubby she's pregnant, and with the help of the calendar they find out that the foetus was conceived on that fateful night.



Of course, the tension escalates from then on, and we're faced with a rather messy and unealthy thriller about maternity... and alien abductions. Brad Dourif plays the aliens specialist, a loser with a sociology Ph.D who documents abductions here and there. The special effects are not always top notch, and the way the aliens are portrayed is laughable, but there are a few good points here and there. To find them, however, you gotta look hard.

*

Can you say that a franchise who takes its time between episodes is trying to offer only the best it can ? The first MISSION : IMPOSSIBLE dates back from '96, the John Woo-directed follow-up was released in 2000, and the third (and hopefully final) edition last year, in 2006. Producing : Tom Cruise. Directing : JJ Abrams. After Brian De Palma & Woo, the challenge was big.



Can Mr. Abrams, who mainly worked for TV productions before, direct a good action movie ? He most definitly can. Can he stand on the same platform as the first two directors who handled the previous episodes ? Hell no.

There is no substance or visual style in this one. Tom Cruise returns as Ethan Hunt, agent extraordinaire. This time he's on the verge of getting married (to Michelle Monaghan, a cutie who also appeared in KISS KISS BANG BANG), has left the "force" to concentrate on passing on his skills by teaching them to new agents, and is generally quite the happy fella. But duty calls. Billy Crudup, once a side kick, gets him to come back for "one last mission" : saving an ex partner (Keri Russell) from the claws of a vicious weapons dealer (Philipp Seymour Hoffman).



So there he goes again with his all-stars team (comprised of Ving Rhames, Jonathan Rhys Meyers & Maggie Q). Big guns, explosions, cars, helicopters, SUV's, ladies, villains, intrigue, suspense, volte-faces, masks, high-end cities... We travel with them to a seedy Berlin industrial zone, to China, to the Vatican... and when the end credits roll, not a lot of good guys have been hurt, all the baddies are dead, and we sure are about to forget everything about the plot. Lawrence Fishburne should still star, somewhere, in a series about his Jimmy Jump character, and stick to it, because it's the best goddamn thing I've ever seen him doing.

If you like breath taking action scenes, see this. But if you didn't like the first two installments of these impossibly funky missions, don't bother seeing this one either.

*

In 1975, a French pornographer directed a flick called LE SEXE QUI PARLE under the name "Frédéric Lansac". It was, of course, our good friend Claude Mulot in disguise. The movie centered about a girl whose life was ruined by her... talking pussy, uttering things she thought - or didn't - out loud to various lovers & people she met. The idea was hilarious, but it was 1975, it was France, and it was porn : the movie was a local success in some XXX theaters and was then forgotten.



But not by all. In 1977, Tom DeSimone, the director of HELL NIGHT (1981) and LUST IN THE AFTERNOON (1975), released his own version of the story, centering on the story of Penny (Candice Rialson, then a popular skin flicks bombshell). Penny is a simple yet loving girl, whose life centers around her lover Ted and her job in a nail salon. The day her pussy starts talking & singing, she's confused, but her doctor sees no trouble at all and becomes her "doctor / agent" - obviously to start managing her carreer and make big bucks.



It's a funny metaphor about the porn industry. The singing vagina, renamed Virginia, becomes quite popular and goes on tour. Penny's mother, at first reluctant about her daughter exhibiting her "treasure" in such a shameless way, is eventually charmed by the possible income and jumps aboard the ship, fully embracing the "stars' lifestyle".

This plot may sound absurd, and it is - but it's just so much fun to watch ! It's a good-natured skin flick from the 70's, featuring all-natural beauties, lots of hair, and good humor. The music is typical for the times : a weird mix of disco and rock. Virginia even has a hit playing in nightclubs !



It is sad to note that the star, Candice Rialson, who appeared in such classics as CANDY STRIPE NURSES (1974) and MAMA'S DIRTY GIRLS (the same year) has died, on March 31st of '06, of a liver disease. Her sweet smile, inviting curves and natural charms shall be missed.